29 Signs of Abuse: How You Can Tell if You’re in an Abusive Relationship


Are You in an Abusive Relationship?
29 Signs to Look for

What are some warning signs of abuse that can help raise awareness that you are in a potentially abusive, destructive relationship?  You may have been subjected to such varying forms of control for so long that you might begin to think it’s normal behavior, simply a “character flaw” of your mate, or somehow your fault – which you’ve been told countless times.

Any pattern of behavior or speech that attempts to gain control
over another person can be considered abusive

Here are some warning signs of abuse to look for.  If you see a habitual pattern of some of these behaviors in your mate please do not ignore them!  Things will not get better on their own or by you “trying harder.”

I was able to identify with seventeen of these twenty-nine flags during my 3 decades of abusive behavior.

Red flags of abuse

  • There is blaming, cursing, or name calling
  • The finances are controlled by one person
  • Outside interests and friendships are controlled or limited
  • A ‘Jekyll/Hyde’ personality
  • Excuses are made for your mate’s behavior
  • Sex is not always by ‘mutual’ agreement
  • Household responsibilities are not shared
  • History of any form of abuse in your mate’s family while growing up
  • There are mind games, hostile humor, and/or put downs in public
  • Opinions ae unable to be expressed openly
  • Personal boundaries are not respected
  • You live in fear of your mate
  • Unrealistic expectations are placed on you
  • You feel isolated from friends or family
  • Decisions are made by one person
  • Intimidation by looks, actions, and/or voice tone
  • Your mate threatens suicide or leaving the relationship
  • There is undue jealousy of friends, family, or your time
  • Destruction of personal property and/or abuse of pets
  • Children are being used as a weapon
  • You have feelings of anger, severe anxiety, depression, being trapped, and/or suicidal
  • Your mate constantly yells at you or the children within the home
  • You mate was a previous victim of verbal, sexual, and/or physical abuse while growing up
  • Feelings of loneliness with absolutely no one to confide in
  • You are struggling with rejection
  • No respect for your privacy within the home
  • Whenever you share things, it’s eventually used against you
  • You’re constantly guessing what is wrong or what you did wrong
  • Your mate seems to tune you out and never really communicates with you

Remember, abusers are very good at what they do.  Their controlling, manipulative, and abusive behavior can be so subtle that you may not even recognize it for what it is.